Behind every smile lies a story.
Today I am going to share what it feels like to “Live With Depression” (from my experience).
Sometimes my mind takes me to a very dark place. The way I view the world changes. I no longer see things in colour but instead the world is gloomy, black and grey. The world around me appears to be moving in slow motion and things of close distance seem so far away.
I don’t care about things I used to care about, I don’t care about anything at all. I no longer know what passion is, as the things I usually enjoy I no longer feel anything from. I am surrounded by people but yet have never felt so alone. No one could possibly understand this feeling so instead of trying I just push everyone away, and fall deeper into this hole.
I want to escape from this dark hole but I see no way out. Sleeping is the only thing that sets me free so I end up staying in bed all day, sometimes wishing I would never wake up.
The more I slip, the deeper my mind takes me, the deeper I fall into this hole of darkness. My thoughts become darker and darker and I no longer feel purpose. I feel hopeless and worthless. My mind tells me I am a burden to this world and makes me feel that this place would be better with me gone.
I try to hold a smile to the outside world, but inside there is nothing left, the person I am is gone. I try to feel happiness but I am too numb so I end up feeling nothing at all. Every step I take requires every ounce of my being. Everything is foggy, I can’t remember if I am really living or just in a really bad dream.
I can see myself from the outside looking in. I watch and start to question myself. As I stare at this empty being I wonder if I will I ever feel happiness again…barely remembering what that is and the melancholy consumes me.
As the days go on, slowly, I slip further into the darkness, the hole keeps getting deeper; I’ve never felt so far away from the light. I no longer can breathe…I am drowning in my own thoughts. My mind pushes me to a point where I am left with two options: I keep fighting to get a breath or I give up, and drown.
I choose to get help and suddenly there is a rope helping to pull me out.
Remember you are NEVER alone and there is ALWAYS help. You are NOT a burden to this world and YOU deserve to be here and be HAPPY.